People– men in particular– prefer a romantic conquest who is hard to get. In practice I know this to be true because every guy I have been rude to, ignored, or filed a restraining order against just can’t seem to get enough of me. Whereas the men whom I shower with affection, wit, charm, and my undivided (and some might say stalkerish) attention are too busy drooling over the girl who won’t give them the time of day to acknowledge my existence.
Now, a wise person might learn from this and develop a strategy on how to become harder to get and therefore more appealing to the opposite gender. But let me offer an alternative which I think we can all agree is slightly more appealing: that I do absolutely nothing to change my behavior, and that everyone else adapt to suit my needs. Or, in other words, gentlemen of the world, stop falling for that uber-hot stuck-up girl who every other guy wants and who– through if some miracle you manage to actually nab– will only treat you like dirt anyway. Maybe it’s time to take a look at her frumpy but sweet friend who likes to read and may or may not tell too many fart jokes. For the sake of having a name for our example, let’s call her Elizabeth.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking– why would I want Elizabeth when I could have her super-hot friend? Granted, Elizabeth’s clothes aren’t as cool, her hair always looks kind of messy (and not in a hipster messy-cool kind of way but a legitimately hasn’t-been-brushed-all-day-and-there-is-something-chocolate-stuck-in-it kind of way) and she has a guttural, cackling laugh that has been known to frighten small children and animals. But here are some things about Elizabeth you might not know:
1. Unlike her super-hot friend, Elizabeth is always happy to see you. She will never pretend to ignore you or flirt with your best friend to make you jealous or cancel your dates because she gets a better offer. There are no better offers! Elizabeth is all yours! She likes spending time with you! She’s grateful for the attention! Which ties into. . .
2. Elizabeth will not twist your words. If you give her a compliment, she won’t overanalyze it and get mad for no reason because she thinks you might be implying her dog is fat. In fact, Elizabeth will even take things not intended as compliments and will inexplicably feel flattered! She might even write about them in her journal. For example:
* Your skin isn’t as bad as it used to be.
* You’re kind of funny when you’re not trying.
* You’re almost as pretty as your sister in that light.
* That outfit makes you look really thin.
* You aren’t the kind of girl who gets noticed, but that doesn’t mean you’re not special (thanks, Dad).
It’s win-win all around! With little to no effort, she will be putty in your hands!
3. Elizabeth does not take hours getting ready! In fact, some days it’s hard to tell if Elizabeth even bothered getting ready at all. You will never be late to a movie or have to sit around making idle chat with her parents while you wait for her. Chances are, she will be the one waiting for you, answering the door before you even knock! What a gal!
4. Elizabeth, as has already been mentioned, likes fart jokes. And action movies. And the Simpsons. Someone (a professor) may have even told her she has the personality of a 14-year-old boy, which for some inexplicable reason (see point 2) she took as a compliment. Elizabeth is so easy to be around, that’s why she’s easy to get! Elizabeth likes to laugh and have a good time. No drama. No tears. Elizabeth is probably way funnier than you are, but you’d never guess it from how hard she laughs at your jokes. Elizabeth wants to make you feel like a million dollars because that’s how she feels when she’s with you.
In short, gentlemen of the world– except for the ones Elizabeth has already rejected, because as completely hypocritical as it may be, Elizabeth won’t settle for just anybody– take another look at the girl who snorts when she laughs but will always answer your texts. She may not be a beauty queen, but– from a completely unbiased perspective– it sounds like she just might rock your world. And will be more than happy to do so.